The reader should note from the outset that the book (in case the title wasn’t enough of a clue) is very NSFW. While this review won’t focus on this aspect, jumping straight into the book may land a reader in a situation they weren’t prepared for, so fair warning. It also needs to be noted that the book touches on subjects such as sexual abuse and transphobia, and as such, may not be for everyone (the author notes which chapters may be difficult for some readers in the introduction so they can be skipped).
Having said that, the book can probably be best summed up by the author themself.
“For those who, like me, struggle with crafting a sense of themselves in the world, acknowledging the inescapable messiness of queer life can be liberating. Demanding order and discipline is for cops, and we don’t like cops.” (p. 101)
The book looks at numerous facets of Ashley’s life as a queer nonbinary transfemme individual who explores both questions they held about themself from youth as well as what life holds before, during, and beyond transformations including GRS. They explore these questions with people who themselves are sometimes amid the same messiness. There are also moments where the author tries to reconcile the internal affirmation they gain through lived experience with the unease from the vitriol at the mere existence of trans people aimed at them from the outside.
The reviewer’s experience of the book was one of seeing the more visceral side of being queer and trans. The narrative voice acted as a constant backdrop against which the writer’s experiences played out. These range from the joyous to the painful to the quixotic. Yet, ever present is Florence Ashley the narrator, observing Florence Ashley the person, focusing on what it means to inhabit and move through the world in a trans body, especially in the sexual realm. This almost voyeuristic look at oneself serves as a reminder that, no matter how we present to and interface with the world, we are still who we are inside, and that self remains, unassailable and intact.
